Bluesday, May 15: Coltrane

12 minutes til it's not Bluesday anymore

Moody AF

listen to this

10 seconds til the end

he really meant it man

imagine having that kinda ear

well i mean many people do, i envy them

envy? praise, maybe

so swaggy

he's the King of Swag

i am a peasant worshipping at his feet

at this point he'd already gone deep into his shit

man i seriously think if he stayed alive just a biiiiit longer

he wouldda had a real, real impact on how music is heard

like he would rival any fucking white dude in europe

he'd win

maybe it's just because we have more access to their brains

their brilliance

but this is like, the prologue

the prepared epitaph 

and then poof, just like that,

he's gone.

i'm very appreciative of the fact that his legend lives on.

i mean when you think about the jazz greats

like the real OG jazz greats, like

when you feel it real deep in there

into your soul

he's on a lover's like top 5, at least

the way that he can maneuver, kinda like

like a warm dry 

previously damp spring-

summer night, weaving through the

traffic

left and right and up and down

no holes in that pocket

all the great ones die too soon.

perhaps it's a chunk of why they're great.

but longevity is something you cannot fake.

The Last Quarter of the Moon

Nowadays my only desires involve being by myself.
I force myself into social situations to balance out my worlds:
The real reality, the one I almost lost because of trying to be someone I'm not.
I love my therapist; she's the only one who gets me, I think.
Before I fall in love with someone, like really press the play button, I tend to tell them I think I'm fucking crazy. Usually their response will determine how long we're together.
The longest relationship I've been in was with someone who was a raging alcoholic.
Just like my birth father. Haha, first I wrote bitch father.
He's dying, maybe. He's hooked up to an oxygen tank and a dialysis machine.
I keep thinking maybe I should say something to him, like I forgive him or I hope he's okay.
Those statements are only half true.
I don't give a lot of myself to anyone but the kids.
I call out people who can't get their shit straight, or I treat them like kids.
They should not be getting paid the same rate as me. Call it Aldrin justice.
I'm sick of sitting back and letting things happen that are unfair or unjust and really, I can usually get what I want by calling white people out on their shit.
That's probably the only good thing about living in Boston.
The only good thing.
I am the face of diversity, the only one who will play their games and play it well.
In the end, the kids are the ones who matter the most anyway.
There are so many of them who won't ever get a chance to tell someone they might love that they're fucking crazy.
When I graduate, I'm getting outta here. I'm gonna be international. I don't care how hard it is or how long it takes.
I used to have this image of the future.
It's gone now.
The only thing left is me, in a foreign land, doing work that I like, work that is meaningful, work that will change lives maybe. The most important part of that is work that I like.
It is all about me now.
And it's about damn time.