Brake Up the Breakup!

click playlist to stream mixtape

That's the thing about breakup mixtapes. Emotions change so fast. I swim through the various levels of heartbreak: feeling devastated, still feeling in love with her, not understanding anything, getting wasted to deal with not understanding anything, feeling the rage come over my body like a fever, the anger, the SPITEFULNESS, the realization that nothing will come from the situation but terrible and sad memories, the almost vengeful return to what you think might be sanity, only to come to terms with the fact that you won't have a happy ending.

I started this about three months ago. I probably switched these songs around so much that only three or four or a handful of them are part of the original draft. I don't think I feel like this anymore. Nonetheless, it's a great fuckin' mix, and part of me feels embarrassed to share this spinning ferris wheel of feelings with phantom friends and foes. They're not my words, obviously, but I wrote them.

Notes: I first ended with "Give Up The Ghost," but thought the chorus for "Cars Can't Escape" better fits what lingering emptiness manifests in the small, private moments of my every day ado. I don't know if Ben Gibbard does it better than Phil Collins (he doesn't). "Against All Odds" appears on the Give Up 10th Anniversary release, which I purchased on vinyl on Record Store Day. It still amazes me how Ben was pretty much making dubstep before dubstep was dumbstep. If there's any song that I live the most, it's probably "I Walked." While bullshit critics talked mad shit about Age of Adz, it is one of the best breakup albums of 2009. However, "Sluttering" is still my favorite breakup song of all time. It's what a real heartbreak is: stingingly ugly and permanent. Ashanti is terrible, but the bridge was written for me and all the women who don't know how to take themselves out of a detrimental situation. The acoustic version of "You Oughtta Know" isn't as annoyingly girl-anthemy as the original. Alanis is more hurt than she is angry, and you feel compassion for her instead of spite for Uncle Joey. "Beer" is the song I pretended to write and execute throughout my every day life. It's also the reason I'm being sober for six months. And I chose "Anyone's Ghost" instead of "Sorrow" solely for the third verse. I'm starting to wonder if Matt Berninger and I are both meant to be miserably, brilliantly, mediocrely muddling through society's expectations of human growth. I'll say yes just to make myself feel better.

Notes part 2: "Cars Can't Escape" doesn't appear on the Spotify stream because it's a local file. AKA it's on the Yankee Hotel Foxtrot demos (NOT the Engineered Demos) and I should have made and uploaded a sound file for this. But. I didn't. The only way to make up for things I didn't do is to never make the mistake of not doing them again. But. I probably won't do that either.

Notes part 3: I am the saddest I have ever been in my entire life.

Mistaken for strangers by your own friends

I guess I started this mix a really long time ago with the working title "Corrine's Mixtape." I got the idea from my friend Rob when he made a mixtape that "completely defined him" or something like that. I don't know if this mixtape completely defines me. But I could see myself writing every song on it, or at least contributing a chorus or something.

Download:

An Ode to Serotonin

(click to enlarge)

13 tracks, 47.2 minutes

I noticed that my mixes are getting progressively shorter and shorter. I think that I subconsciously envision the larger framework as a "Side A." Also, I like making mixes for a specific environment, event, activity, ala music for purpose. I guess I always envision theme music for everything I do. This one's the background to my everyday life. Just sitting down. Talking and thinking. Staring out the window. Folding clothes occasionally, maybe learning a song or two before getting ready for work. You know.

A few notes: the Untitled Brand New track comes from their untitled demo album that was leaked in 2006 before The Devil and God are Raging Inside of Me was released in November. Some hardcore fans would argue that those demos are infinitely better than the mastered recordings. What people don't really know is that most of those songs were SUPPOSED to be on The Devil and God... but Jesse was so pissed/embarrassed that the songs had leaked, so he purposefully didn't put them on the album.

Now, in retrospect, I want those songs to be on the album and many of them aren't, and I'm probably more to blame for that than anyone. This record already feels incomplete to me without those tracks and probably will forever. -Jesse Lacey

It must suck to hate the product of your art with only your own neuroticism to blame. Oh well. That's what major labels are for, right?

Rufus Wainwright's version of "Instant Pleasure" can only be found on his Best of album... and the Big Daddy soundtrack. Why do people shame others for enjoying sex for pleasure with multiple partners? I say be a slut and own it and fuck what they say.

Anyway. Enough of that. "Reparations" by Saul Williams is my battle cry. I impulse bought tickets to see The National in Kansas City last month.. super excited to see them again, hopefully from the rail, again, and this song is amazing live. I love the chorus to the Vampire Weekend song "Run." Apparently, according to my room mates, it sounds like Paul Simon. It's funny listening to old records, by the way, and realizing that most of my favorite artists now are mere reincarnations of 70's and 80's bands. I'm always weary to put Antlers songs on mixes... I just think that each song fits so perfectly in the new-age song cyle, Hospice, that taking them out of context makes them lose their essense. Whatever, I really like the second part of this song. Can't get that Kid Cudi song out of my life... Sam showed me an acoustic live version by this chick Lissie and I can't get the melody out of my head. The only reason I like the original better is that it's produced by Ratatat, and they're incredible.

I totally had this idea for a video before I saw this by the Morning Benders. Now I don't want want to do it because I feel like I'd be jocking their style. Still cute.

Yeehaw!!

A triumphant return

Me 12:45 am

i say fuck it, you only live once

12:45amChelsea

lol until you die

12:46amMe

hmm.. i guess i never really thought about that part of it

It's been a year since the initial conception of this project. Life has come full circle, but everything is still the same. That being said, music is and can no longer be just a form of escape- it must be the propeller of creative energy, a substantial reason to keep going, surviving, or else all this "figuring out" turns to a pile of bullshit.

After the JTIC meeting last night, Dietzler (who is a more badass version of me in 4 years... or the other way around) helped me to realize what I already knew. That time happens, that life happens, and we are responsible for our own complications. Is Conor Oberst right? Should we just take it easy, love nothing? Or is everything really everything, as Lauryn Hill says?

I made this mixtape thinking about solipsism, but it eventually transformed into something more hopeful. I guess some human beings can't help who they are or who they've become, but if life changes like the colors of the leaves, then I guess we have to believe we can, too.

Click to enlarge:

Sluttering (May 4)

In the past 24 hours of its initial conception, this one has been dedicated to several different people. Invisible things move so fast. I wanted to change the title, but I can't think of anything clever, so we'll keep it. You know that point where you reach a certain anger? You alienate yourself as to not hurt anybody. After a while, you realize you have a lot of work to do. I put this together at the height of that energy. I don't think I feel this angry anymore. But. Nonetheless.

“Perhaps there is only one cardinal sin: impatience. Because of impatience we were driven out of Paradise, because of impatience we cannot return.” W.H. Auden With the Sun square Mars, we’re possibly feeling more pressured and are more prone to acting on impulse rather than thought. That strategy can be risky and self-sabotaging, especially today when we can easily get in over our head. It may be far wiser for us to take some time and gather our thoughts and put our minds at ease before acting. Sometimes, too, it’s better to let things play out. We also want to make sure that we focus our attention, as best as we can, on whatever task it is that we are working on. That way we can help to avoid careless mishaps. Also, focusing on our strengths instead of ruminating on our weaknesses, serves us very well now. When our thoughts are centered on what we can do, we feel empowered. However, when we dwell on our perceived deficits, that only adds to our feeling of pressure. “Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they’re yours.” Richard Bach The Moon wraps up her sojourn through pragmatic Capricorn and enters experimental Aquarius at 4:52 pm EDT. That Moon sign change may also be when we are more inclined to throw caution to the wind. We need to remember, though, that caution often is a byproduct of wisdom. Restless Energy

 

Download: GTFO 12 songs, 46 minutes Click to enlarge playlist:

Twenty Four 4 Four Twenty

I think this one's spot on. It's a little shorter. Probably a Side A. It's one track... 10 songs. I haven't made a one-track mixtape in a while... other than, you know on a real tape deck. I've got a really great tape deck (my room mate stole it from work). It reminds me of my boombox growing up. Trying to fit enough songs on each side without clipping or cutting out. Knowing the order by heart, fast forwarding through songs that were too long, everything in mono. There's something about putting a bunch of elements together, stealing other writers' words to make a specific statement in the larger framework... wondering what exactly happened to them, why we relate so much, too much. Was it better or worse than my experience? Just as profound, maybe, denting enough to have to write a song about it. It's not the best mixtape I've made. But. It's pretty spot on. A few things- the recording of "Handshake Drugs" is from the EP, not A Ghost is Born. It's a little more scattered, more... seemingly unintentional, and Jeff's voice is down and more relaxed in this version. Pretty sure "I'm So Tired" comes from the new version of the White Album. "Admit It!!!" is kinda there as a joke, kinda not. I understand Max Bemis, I do. I want the world to be a better place, which is hard to do when everyone is all fucked up. It's there because of the second part of the song. Geez, he is such a badass. Anyway, Frightened Rabbit put out a new record this year. I'd say the highest point of the mixtape comes in the last chorus of "The Loneliness and the Scream." For some reason, I have a picture of me and all my friends in a drum circle by the lake. so much movement that clouds gravitate towards us and we all drown in our own energy. Sunsets. Sunrise? Hmm. I don't know. I used to love Dexter Holland's voice, and now it's kind of annoying. When I first heard Smash, I was like 13. I used to think how depressing this song was and could not understand how someone could ever get themselves into such a mess like that. And then I grew up and into my 20's, and I'm living through every word, but it's just... life. How things are. I think that's even more depressing. Second verse of "Jesus Christ" always gets me. Jesse and I are the same person. Jesus Christ, I'm alone again, so what did you do those three days you were dead? Cuz this problem's gonna last more than a weekend. Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die, I'm a little bit scared of what comes after. Do i get the gold chariot? Do I float through the ceiling? It's kind of funny that I've broken myself free from the chains of Christianity, but I am unable to be free from guilt of all my mistakes. Does that stay with you forever? Like.... no, haha. It doesn't. Not at all. Or, it shouldn't.

Best of 2009 Mixtapes

I've been doing "best of" mixtapes for the past like three years or so. 2009 was no different. A lot of good music came out last year, but according to Last.Fm, I listened to more Radiohead and Wilco than anything else. So I guess the classics never die.

Best of 2009: Side A (Download)

Best of 2009: Side B (Download)



I fell in love a lot in 2009.. more than I usually do in one year. Thom Yorke's cover is probably my favorite track of the year. Grizzly Bear's harmonies are my favorite moments of music as well. I first met AFI's album Crash Love (and Davey's new hair style) with hesitation and a little bit of resentment, but ended up listening to it more than other indie rock records with critical acclaim. My favorite discovery of 2009: The XX. So simple, so minimal, so parallel to my own life. The Antlers' Hospice had its moments, and it's probably more like a song cycle than a modern-day record, but I didn't find myself listening to it as much as I thought I would. Maybe because it's totally depressing. Daisy is also on my top 10 records of '09.. when is Brand New going to do something i DON'T like? Just when I thought they couldn't really go anywhere from YFW to TDAG.. once again, the Long Islanders prove me wrong (I will say that I like Jesse's songwriting infinitely more than Vinnie's.. no offense Mr. Accardi, Jesse just writes better). Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix was catchy, but there were only about four songs I liked on the record.. to Phoenix's defense, those four songs were better than most of the singles released in '09. I'd say the only real disappointment this year was the new Wilco. And, if you know me, that's kind of a big deal.

Anyway, enjoy.