Procrastination...

I recorded this exactly two years ago, on an upright Young Chang . It's titled "September 8," though its working title was "No Substance World." I don't know why I never finish songs unless prompted. Perhaps I'll finish this one... winter's coming. I miss having a piano. I swear my creativity soars when one's around.

Download:

Interrupted

Also, sidenote: notating music on Finale Notepad is excruciating. I swear to never use this notation software again... back to the pencil and paper.

Also, another sidenote: graphic scores are the shit. They're probably my favorite way to notate music. When people say they can "read music," it pretty much means they can look at a piece of paper and execute the intended results, usually with other people. But what if those intended results aren't really... intended? The New York Miniaturist Ensemble has some really interesting shit to say about that. And they have a fairly decent, part humorous collection of graphic scores on their site.. check them out.

Mistaken for strangers by your own friends

I guess I started this mix a really long time ago with the working title "Corrine's Mixtape." I got the idea from my friend Rob when he made a mixtape that "completely defined him" or something like that. I don't know if this mixtape completely defines me. But I could see myself writing every song on it, or at least contributing a chorus or something.

Download:

An Ode to Serotonin

(click to enlarge)

13 tracks, 47.2 minutes

I noticed that my mixes are getting progressively shorter and shorter. I think that I subconsciously envision the larger framework as a "Side A." Also, I like making mixes for a specific environment, event, activity, ala music for purpose. I guess I always envision theme music for everything I do. This one's the background to my everyday life. Just sitting down. Talking and thinking. Staring out the window. Folding clothes occasionally, maybe learning a song or two before getting ready for work. You know.

A few notes: the Untitled Brand New track comes from their untitled demo album that was leaked in 2006 before The Devil and God are Raging Inside of Me was released in November. Some hardcore fans would argue that those demos are infinitely better than the mastered recordings. What people don't really know is that most of those songs were SUPPOSED to be on The Devil and God... but Jesse was so pissed/embarrassed that the songs had leaked, so he purposefully didn't put them on the album.

Now, in retrospect, I want those songs to be on the album and many of them aren't, and I'm probably more to blame for that than anyone. This record already feels incomplete to me without those tracks and probably will forever. -Jesse Lacey

It must suck to hate the product of your art with only your own neuroticism to blame. Oh well. That's what major labels are for, right?

Rufus Wainwright's version of "Instant Pleasure" can only be found on his Best of album... and the Big Daddy soundtrack. Why do people shame others for enjoying sex for pleasure with multiple partners? I say be a slut and own it and fuck what they say.

Anyway. Enough of that. "Reparations" by Saul Williams is my battle cry. I impulse bought tickets to see The National in Kansas City last month.. super excited to see them again, hopefully from the rail, again, and this song is amazing live. I love the chorus to the Vampire Weekend song "Run." Apparently, according to my room mates, it sounds like Paul Simon. It's funny listening to old records, by the way, and realizing that most of my favorite artists now are mere reincarnations of 70's and 80's bands. I'm always weary to put Antlers songs on mixes... I just think that each song fits so perfectly in the new-age song cyle, Hospice, that taking them out of context makes them lose their essense. Whatever, I really like the second part of this song. Can't get that Kid Cudi song out of my life... Sam showed me an acoustic live version by this chick Lissie and I can't get the melody out of my head. The only reason I like the original better is that it's produced by Ratatat, and they're incredible.

I totally had this idea for a video before I saw this by the Morning Benders. Now I don't want want to do it because I feel like I'd be jocking their style. Still cute.

Yeehaw!!

And in the crush of the dark...

I could not, for the life of me, get this song out of my head at work today. Minor flashbacks of pole dancing on Halsted. Ow. I also blame Nikalas and Samantha for having the same exact music tastes. It came to my attention that I don't really listen to chick singers. I don't think it's on purpose. I guess I just relate to male front men more in the same way that Nik relates to Alanis Morisette. Haha. This one's for you, buddy.

Instruments: Ukulele / trumpet / my mouth / pill bottle filled with rice

Download:

Psychobabble all upon your lips

Currently listening to: Sufjan Stevens - All Delighted People EP (2010) (just came out omg) (so good)

In conjunction with: The National - Boxer (2007)

You should maybe listen to: La Roux - s/t (2009)

A triumphant return

Me 12:45 am

i say fuck it, you only live once

12:45amChelsea

lol until you die

12:46amMe

hmm.. i guess i never really thought about that part of it

It's been a year since the initial conception of this project. Life has come full circle, but everything is still the same. That being said, music is and can no longer be just a form of escape- it must be the propeller of creative energy, a substantial reason to keep going, surviving, or else all this "figuring out" turns to a pile of bullshit.

After the JTIC meeting last night, Dietzler (who is a more badass version of me in 4 years... or the other way around) helped me to realize what I already knew. That time happens, that life happens, and we are responsible for our own complications. Is Conor Oberst right? Should we just take it easy, love nothing? Or is everything really everything, as Lauryn Hill says?

I made this mixtape thinking about solipsism, but it eventually transformed into something more hopeful. I guess some human beings can't help who they are or who they've become, but if life changes like the colors of the leaves, then I guess we have to believe we can, too.

Click to enlarge:

Night Diving

I've been on some creative block for some time now. I don't know, I guess part of it is finding a reason to do.. anything. The motivation. It's kind of like the formation of a wave. I mean all these natural forces in the world create the actual wave. Without the external, it would just be existing there as water. Does it give less meaning to the physical and tangible liquid that it is? No boundaries in a world where waves exist, almost in spite of the meaning we give or don't give. Little things happen and exist for that specific moment. When the waves come barreling down the rocks by the museum campus on the southern side of downtown Chicago, the ictus between them being and them not being is: the crash. Once it crashes, it no longer is. Parts of it splash onto the sidewalk- if lucky, onto the same people that determine their meaning. Most of it falls back into the water. Is there pleasure in the height of a wave? Or do people just think too much and make metaphors about dumb shit that nobody else gives a fuck about? I'm back to "I don't know." But. I guess it's better than "I don't care." So, I had a record button, 5 notes, and these instruments at my immediate disposal. AKA in reach of my chair, so I wouldn't have to get up. None of these instruments are mine, by the way. Andrea's ukulele and Jamie's trumpet with Phil's harmon mute An ocarina shaped like a little bird A canister of loose change Just ride the waves, like moving incidences, crashing into one another. I guess it's what makes life have momentum. Listen with earphones, I recommend it most: 

Run on sentences are fun

When things happen, do they happen by chance, or does fate exist to some extent? How random is random, really?
I don't know what I really believe, but I know what I feel. And when your heart reacts so strongly to a piece of art, I believe the two of you were meant to meet, when you do, in your life, at that moment, to understand a little bit more of the world as it pertains to you, as it did for him/her, and to feel connected through time, as to never really being alone.

I guess. This guy's still alive though.

The Dreams and Prayers of Isaac the Blind is a kind of epic, a history of Judaism. It has Abraham, exile, and redemption. The movements sound like they are in three of the languages spoken in almost 6,000 years of Jewish history: the first in Aramaic; the second in Yiddish; and the third in Hebrew. I never wrote it with this idea in mind, and only understood it when the work was finished. But while I was composing the second movement, for example, my father would sit out on the deck with the newspaper, the sports pages, and every once in a while he would shout, "There you go! Another Yiddish chord!"

Listen to: Osvaldo Golijov: The Dreams and Prayers of Isaac the Blind

Opus 10

Oh man. What was he thinking when he wrote this one?

Sluttering (May 4)

In the past 24 hours of its initial conception, this one has been dedicated to several different people. Invisible things move so fast. I wanted to change the title, but I can't think of anything clever, so we'll keep it. You know that point where you reach a certain anger? You alienate yourself as to not hurt anybody. After a while, you realize you have a lot of work to do. I put this together at the height of that energy. I don't think I feel this angry anymore. But. Nonetheless.

“Perhaps there is only one cardinal sin: impatience. Because of impatience we were driven out of Paradise, because of impatience we cannot return.” W.H. Auden With the Sun square Mars, we’re possibly feeling more pressured and are more prone to acting on impulse rather than thought. That strategy can be risky and self-sabotaging, especially today when we can easily get in over our head. It may be far wiser for us to take some time and gather our thoughts and put our minds at ease before acting. Sometimes, too, it’s better to let things play out. We also want to make sure that we focus our attention, as best as we can, on whatever task it is that we are working on. That way we can help to avoid careless mishaps. Also, focusing on our strengths instead of ruminating on our weaknesses, serves us very well now. When our thoughts are centered on what we can do, we feel empowered. However, when we dwell on our perceived deficits, that only adds to our feeling of pressure. “Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they’re yours.” Richard Bach The Moon wraps up her sojourn through pragmatic Capricorn and enters experimental Aquarius at 4:52 pm EDT. That Moon sign change may also be when we are more inclined to throw caution to the wind. We need to remember, though, that caution often is a byproduct of wisdom. Restless Energy

 

Download: GTFO 12 songs, 46 minutes Click to enlarge playlist:

Twenty Four 4 Four Twenty

I think this one's spot on. It's a little shorter. Probably a Side A. It's one track... 10 songs. I haven't made a one-track mixtape in a while... other than, you know on a real tape deck. I've got a really great tape deck (my room mate stole it from work). It reminds me of my boombox growing up. Trying to fit enough songs on each side without clipping or cutting out. Knowing the order by heart, fast forwarding through songs that were too long, everything in mono. There's something about putting a bunch of elements together, stealing other writers' words to make a specific statement in the larger framework... wondering what exactly happened to them, why we relate so much, too much. Was it better or worse than my experience? Just as profound, maybe, denting enough to have to write a song about it. It's not the best mixtape I've made. But. It's pretty spot on. A few things- the recording of "Handshake Drugs" is from the EP, not A Ghost is Born. It's a little more scattered, more... seemingly unintentional, and Jeff's voice is down and more relaxed in this version. Pretty sure "I'm So Tired" comes from the new version of the White Album. "Admit It!!!" is kinda there as a joke, kinda not. I understand Max Bemis, I do. I want the world to be a better place, which is hard to do when everyone is all fucked up. It's there because of the second part of the song. Geez, he is such a badass. Anyway, Frightened Rabbit put out a new record this year. I'd say the highest point of the mixtape comes in the last chorus of "The Loneliness and the Scream." For some reason, I have a picture of me and all my friends in a drum circle by the lake. so much movement that clouds gravitate towards us and we all drown in our own energy. Sunsets. Sunrise? Hmm. I don't know. I used to love Dexter Holland's voice, and now it's kind of annoying. When I first heard Smash, I was like 13. I used to think how depressing this song was and could not understand how someone could ever get themselves into such a mess like that. And then I grew up and into my 20's, and I'm living through every word, but it's just... life. How things are. I think that's even more depressing. Second verse of "Jesus Christ" always gets me. Jesse and I are the same person. Jesus Christ, I'm alone again, so what did you do those three days you were dead? Cuz this problem's gonna last more than a weekend. Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die, I'm a little bit scared of what comes after. Do i get the gold chariot? Do I float through the ceiling? It's kind of funny that I've broken myself free from the chains of Christianity, but I am unable to be free from guilt of all my mistakes. Does that stay with you forever? Like.... no, haha. It doesn't. Not at all. Or, it shouldn't.

it's not a party if it happens every night

Grad school is definitely not in my short-term plans. Then how come I get so jealous of people who are making it? More specifically, Jonathan Cole, who is going to my dream school for my dream grad program in one of my favorite cities in the world. That wasn't a complete sentence. Maybe that's why I'm not going to grad school haha

I think one of the main reasons I now, realistically, don't share those same dreams is that I am not a bullshitter. I am a terrible bullshitter, and while I recognize the substantiality (is that a word?) shared in our relationship, that boy can bullshit his way out of death, or in this case, school. I'm not trying to diss the man; hell, I honestly don't know any smarter 26 year olds out there. I look up to him, somewhat like a brother, somewhat like my brother's friend, and I know we've influenced each other musically and in other ways. 

I look at what I'm doing now, and I honestly (hate that word.. need to find a replacement) never thought I would be here. Ever since we were little, we (women) were taught to suck. In more than one way. Especially immigrants from the Philippines and other US-influenced third world countries (in their economy, in their politics, in their general consensus of a society).. we were taught to work sooo hard to be at the same level as those who have been born into privilege. Why exactly was that the goal to begin with? Why feel the "catholic" guilt when doing something out of the ordinary (or something I didn't go to school for) to make myself happy? Who said prosperity and success go hand in hand in a world where half the world can't fucking have a clean glass of water? 

These are questions, thoughts, etc. that are starting to make some sense.

All I know is this-

My first semester of my junior year of undergrad, Gustavo Leone told me that if I ever stopped making music, I would get depressed. And he was absolutely right. But if I ever stopped making sense of this world, rearranging its nuts and bolts, and reaching for that "meaning" of life, I would get dead. I was already dead. I feel alive, in so many ways, and I'd rather be alive and depressed than floating face down. 

p.s. informal concert tomorrow night- my string quartet's being performed wooooo